The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize