Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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