can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
