I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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