I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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