If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
