You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
