maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
