So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
