Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
