Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
