her vagine was all disorganized.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
