We got so high we made milksteak
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
