we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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