I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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