I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
