Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
