it's too hot outside to masturbate.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
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WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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