It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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