her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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