There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
