dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
