Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
