I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
