There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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