good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
