i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
