if you like me you must not know who I am
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
