I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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