My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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