why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
