I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
