Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
