I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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