You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
