dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
