Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize