She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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