pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
