I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
