My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize