kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My vagina is very pro this idea
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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