you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
