I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
