his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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