you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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