addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
