she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
