so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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