I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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