ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
