i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
