and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
