Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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