I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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