why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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