Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize