My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
